


Where did I lose you?

by Bard_Of_Time (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Death, Depression, F/M, I Tried, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Suicide, Survivor Guilt, i understand if it sucks, so screw it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-03-30
Packaged: 2018-03-11 13:49:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3328655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Bard_Of_Time
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>john, bro, and anyone that gave a shit,</p><p>you cant blame me can you? i tried to get help but no one would listen. I plead with them after he died i wanted to join him but..... well we all make mistakes. i wish that it never came to this.... i wish never thought like this..... i wish..... i wish so many things right now..... but i want him back. i want to see him when i open my eyes and want him beside me and i want him to know how much i love him. i chose today because..... its been a year since he died.... its been more than too long for me to see his smile and..... i never got to tell him 'i love you' on his birthday and we all knew that this would happen and none of us could deny that it would be today and... well..... nows the time....</p><p>happy birthday kitkat... see you soon...</p><p>dave elizabeth strider</p><p> </p><p>***DISCONTINUED UNTIL FURTHAR NOTICE***</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Skaia Memorial hospital

A blond boy entered the washroom with a gaunt look on his face. He was small, skinny, and wore an old t shirt with jeans. He hummed to himself as he locked the door and walked over to the tub in the corner of the room and began to run the water. 'It's for the best....' He thought to himself as he pulled out a pen and paper while he filled the tub.

 

john, bro, and anyone that gave a shit,

 

you cant blame me can you? i tried to get help but no one would listen. I plead with them after he died i wanted to join him but..... well we all make mistakes. i wish that it never came to this.... i wish never thought like this..... i wish..... i wish so many things right now..... but i want him back. i want to see him when i open my eyes and want him beside me and i want him to know how much i love him. i chose today because..... its been a year since he died.... its been more than too long for me to see his smile and..... i never got to tell him 'i love you' on his birthday and we all knew that this would happen and none of us could deny that it would be today and... well..... nows the time....

happy birthday kitkat... see you soon...

 

dave elizabeth strider

 

 

Dave looked at the tub and stopped the water. It was warm, and produced blood flow. Perfect. He slipped off his clothes and slid into the water with a shiny object in his hand; an exacto knife. He placed the note where it could be found easily -- on the edge of the tub -- and took a deep, shaking breath. "See you real soon, Kitkat..... promise....." Dave muttered as he ran the sharp edge of the blade into a slit across his wrist. He inhaled sharply as he switched the blade into his other hand, repeating the process of slitting a wrist. Dave heard knocking on the door outside.

"Dave....? Why are you in the washroom at.... three in the morning?" A shaking voice was  
heard from the other side of the door. John.

"Look..... I needed to piss, okay?" Dave answered, trying to keep his voice steady and emotionless.

"Okay but....." The other voice began to grow quieter. Dave sighed as he lowered his wrists into the water. He hissed a little as the water ran over the fresh cuts.

"Dave open the door." John's voice was louder now, more panicked. "C'mon.... just open the door....."

"No can-do John....." Dave heard his voice getting weaker, more.... away.

"DAVE!" The other boy was freaking out now. The blond closed his eyes. He remembered all of the good memories that he had in this house, all the memories of his first crush -- his high school love --and him.

 

C'mon, Dave.... You're almost there...

 

.....

The door bust open and a raven boy ran into the washroom. "Dave.... No! No no no no no NO!" The boy Sprint to the tub and kneeled by Dave's side. He slapped the blonds face lightly before dialing 9-1-1.

"DAVID!"

Funny.... Dave thought that he heard John just a moment ago...

 

Dave saw a light in front of him. Like he was in a long tunnel. There was a figure in the  
light, blocking it out. Dave knew the figure. The name was in the tip of his tongue. He heard a noise in the back of his head. He knew that it wasn't just noise, but that it was someone talking to him... He wanted so bad to hear the words that were being spoken to him. If he were to make a guess the blond would say that is was John, his best bro. The tone of voice that was trying to get to him was.... sad. Why was John sad? What was going on?

 

"Wake up buddy.... you're still here.... we're not gonna loose you..." John reassured as an ambulance pulled up in the drive, and EMTs piled.out of it. They grabbed their gear and raced upstairs to the washroom.

 

Dave looked down the tunnel. At the moment he was contemplating whether or not he should go back and see what was wrong with John. But it had been oh so long since he had seen the man at the end of the tunnel...

 

"David.... bro wake up...." Dave's brother was sitting next to him in the ambulance as they drove to the hospital. It was an agonisingly long 5 minute drive for the older man. As soon as they reached the medical building the EMTs raced to get the blond out of the vehicle and into the hospital so that they could get more blood into him.

 

No. Dave was going to walk down the tunnel. Nothing could change his mind as he placed one foot in front of the other to make his way to the figure.

 

"Why Dave....... Why.....?" John whispered to himself as he sat in the washroom where is all had taken place. He had his phone at they ready and was awaiting a call from Dirk saying that Dave was awake and ready to come home.

 

As he fell into the arms of the figure David Elizabeth Strider felt two things. The first being true happiness. And the second being remorse...

 

"We.... we lost him.... pronounce time of death to be.... 3:15 am on November Eleventh." The doctor but his lip as he looked at they small fragile looking boy whom was laying still on the stretcher. He had simply lost too much blood. The first responders hadn't had the fluids for the the man on the drive to the hospital and they simply couldn't replace the lost liquid before he had gone into cardiac arrest. They had tried desperately to revive him but to no avail. "We... we need to alert his family and hope that.... that they understand." The doctor muttered. Sure he had seen death before but this was different. This boy never should have died. He should be living a happy life with his lover and he should definitely get to see his 25th birthday. But here he was, 24 lying dead in the Skaia memorial hospital from lacerations to the wrists; suicide.

"Jake...? What's wrong?" One of the nurses asked the doctor as he removed a pair of square glasses.

"N-nothing...." He muttered a reply to the nurse. "I'm fine, love...." his English accent was soft as the words parted his lips. "I'll let the next of kin know myself, okay?

"Alright...." the nurse agree warily. "And I'll cover the rest of your shift for you. You need some rest." Kind words to hear in the hospital. Jake had had a long day. He had seen a little girl that looked like his cousin die of cancer, and had a small boy that looked like her adopted brother die in a surgery. Now, to top that, he just had a young man die before anyone could get to helping him. Jake walked towards the waiting room and noticed a tall blond man with triangular shaped sunglasses stand up immediately. He wore an aviators jacket and blue jeans.

"Where's my brother? Where is Dave?" He demanded Jake almost immediately.

"Was... Was Dave the young man that just came in on the stretcher?" Jake approached the situation with extreme caution. He didn't want to upset this man right away.

"Yes." Oh shit.

"Sir, would you mind coming with me into another room?" Jake asked politely.

"... Alright..." Jake could practically hear the tears in the man's voice. So as they were on their way to the morgue, he introduced himself.

"My name is Jake English... I responded to the ambulance that carried your brother, and I got him into the hospital..." Jake stopped and extended a hand.

"Dirk Strider..." The man shook Jake's hand with a decent Grip. "I was the one that was woken up by my pro's best friend panicking... I rode here on the ambulance with him...."

"Right.... well, Dirk, I need to tell you--"

"He didn't make it, did he?" Dirk asked. "My brother died..."

"Yes Dirk.... I'm sorry for your loss...." Jake bit his lip. "Look, of you need it then there is grief counseling available to you, but if you don't need it then--"

"Look, I don't need any fucking counseling right now!" Dirk rose his voice a little bit.

"Look, sir--"

"Take me to him. Then I have to call John..." Dirk ran a hand through his hair. John..... Damn. How would the raven haired boy react?

"... Alright." Jake agreed. He led the blond haired male down the hall to the morgue and led him to a freshly laid out body.

 

He looked... peaceful. Dave's hair was evenly fluffed across his head in the bob-like style he had kept it in for the past half a year. His eyes were closed, and his normal sunglasses were off his face. He had a thick layer of freckles on his cheeks, shoulders, and arms as the foundation that he normally wore had been rubbed off. Dave wore no shirt, as it was ripped when the medics tried to revive him, and his jeans were replaced by a cloth that covered his crotch. His bones and muscles looked small and starved, and one could practically count the man's ribs. What was the most startling were his arms. They were scared from a few years of abuse from a knife, some of the scars faded and others fresh. The two most prominent were across the main vein in his wrist.

 

Dirk nearly vomited.

 

"Dirk... I don't have to tell you how sorry that I am for this loss..." Jake muttered. He placed a hand on the blonds shoulder and bit his lip. "As I stated before, grief counseling is available for anyone who was particularly--"

"We all should have seen it coming..." Dirk muttered, cutting Jake off.

"Excuse me?"

"We all should have seen Dave's death coming... all of us close to him, I mean...." the blond placed a pale, shaking hand on Dave's body's shoulder. "He retired and became a veteran last year after his fiance was taken out by a suicide bomber during a combat mission. Dave had heard some crying over a ridge and walked over to examine it. His fiance went with. There was a family of five just sitting there, crying... and then.... then there was shrapnel and blood... Dave was already mildly impaired in the eyes before that.... some of the shrapnel hit his eyes and damaged them more. The blast also collapsed one of his lungs.

"His fiance however, was worse off... hit in the heart by a large chunk of metal. Dave tried to drive the almost-dead soldier back to their camp to find a medic but..." Dirk sighed to himself. "My bro tried everything." He looked up at Jake. "I knew for a fact that there would be a day when Dave would crack..." Dirk pulled out a smart phone and unlocked the screen. He looked down at the phone and, as he dialed a number, pulled it up to his ear. Jake stood there while Dirk was on the phone, flabbergasted.

"Hey, John..." Dirk tried to sound cheery.

 

'Ex military...' Jake relayed Dave's story in his head.

 

"Do you.wanna come down to the.hospital?" Dirk asked the person on the other end of the phone. It was obviously this 'John' that he said he needed to call.

 

'he was ex military...' Jake didn't know what to think. There was something about the story that made him pity serving members.

 

"I... I think that David would really want you here..." Dirk cringed a little at the name.

 

'His fiance died in combat...' Jake still couldn't believe it. Nobody should go through that.

 

"Yea... see you soon." Dirk tried to smile.

 

'He was emotionally unstable...' Jake came to the conclusion that Dave wasn't mentally fit.

 

"... yes.... Dave's ok..... bye..." the blond looked close to tears.

"How did.He live with himself for a year?" Jake blurt out as soon as Dirk hung up.

"Excuse me?" Dirk demanded. Obviously the wording had enraged him. And to be honest, it wasn't really Jake's fault. It just sorta came out.

"I-I didn't mean... didn't want...." Jake stammered. "I'm sorry...."

"Shut up..... Just...... shut up...." Dirk grit his teeth. "And besides, shouldn't you be off helping other patients right now? Aren't you supposed to be killing other people's.loved.ones?" A single tear fell down Dirk's cheek as he spat those vile words.

Jake flinched as a result of the harshness. There was a buzzing from the raven's pocket and he pulled out a phone. It was Jonathan, his cousins adopted brother. Why was he texting him?

 

John: hey

John: can you come to the front and help me out?

John: I'm trying to find my friend dave but they say that hes not here

John: can you come and clear things up?

John: thanks

 

Jake cleared his throat as he looked at Dirk, and then Dave's body. "Do you....." He took a sharp breath. "Do you perhaps know a man called Jonathan Egbert?"

"Yeah, he was Dave's best friend.... why do you care?"

"Because," Jake murmured. "He's my cousin..."


	2. He Dreamt He Was Falling...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How it felt to have the world moving beneath me, a hand gripping mine, knowing if I fell, at least I wouldn't do it alone.” 
> 
> ― Sarah Dessen, What Happened to Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. I'm back. Short chapter for your troubles.

Dave dreamt that he was falling. At first it was subtle. It was like a slow, gradual descent in an airplane, like moving in for a touch down. Then, it was like a rollercoaster, speeding up as the G forces took hold. Finally, David felt like it was a freefall. He couldn't see anything as the wind bit into his face, blinding him. His mouth filled with the wind that he was running past. It was horrifying.

Dave had had a fear of heights since as long as he could remember. He supposed that it started when his parents died in a plane crash.... but then again it could just be human nature. After all, humans were never meant to fly. If we were, than God would have granted us wings.

The falling sensation slowed to a stop quickly, and he was standing on a platform in the sky. He rubbed his head and groaned. What kind of fucked up dream was this? Well, whatever it was, Dave didn't care anymore. He looked around, blinking away the tears that had accumulated and saw someone.

His heart almost stopped.

there was the cause of many empty Kleenex boxes. The cause of multiple sleepless nights. The cause of many visits to a therapist.

David Strider found himself starting into the eyes of his lover, Karkat Vantas.

"Hello Dave." Karkat said with a sad smile. "I guess I really am more important to you than life..."

Dave almost chocked on his tears. "You...... But......... You..... died....." This fact didn't stop Dave from latching onto Karkat as if the latter might disappear at any moment. The blond held the raven for a long time. So long, the raven thought, that they would surely both live to see the end of earth.

"Get the fuck off, Dave!" Karkat snapped, though there was no bite in the smaller man's voice. There was something else, however.

Guilt.

Dave heard the opposing emotion and frowned as he detached from his long-lost lover. "That doesn't sound like my KitKat.... what happened to you?"

"I died, Dave! I died after waking up to the harsh reality that life means nothing in the end." Karkat spat the words out and almost immediately wished he hadn't. Dave looked at the raven, red eyes open, a tear running down his face. "Fuck, Dave...."

"Ok, look.... I died. Right? I should be gone now..... Right?" Dave cut Karkat off and took a deep breath. Screw this whole reunion thing, now he just wanted to know what the fuck was happening.

Karkat took in a deep breath. "Really? That's what you wanna talk about? Okay then..... But first, why don't we get you some new clothes.... these look filthy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long. A 13 year old kid ass deep in cadets just doesn't get a break when their medical problems are trying to screw them over. I am happy to say that I am back, and that I may get a break from school. My life is Hell, so frequent updates shall be the bane of my existence. 
> 
> However, I am happy to say that this story shall be taking a turn for the weird (finally) and we will understand more about Karkitty and Dave.
> 
> Again, Beta reader(s) is/are wanted. I only passed my academic grade nine English with an 86! I'm not Fucking perfect! (Anyone who wants to draw for this is also appreciated... just link me to the pictures in the description *shot*)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm looking for something beta reader if anyone is interested.


End file.
